Always in style
Do not tell them how to do it. Show them how to do it and do not say a word. If you tell them, they will watch your lips move. If you show them, they will want to do it themselves.
- Maria Montessori
Are you familiar with the old saying: Children should be seen and not heard?
Even in my early childhood, I was skeptical about a phrase coined by adults and commonly used by them when demanding “good manners” from young and impressionable humans. The eternal problem with adults issuing such a challenge is that they were simultaneously making an unspoken assertion that they, themselves possessed a superior level of etiquette and finesse worth taking note of. It was a reinforcement of a particular, acceptable pecking order in which adults could assume all the perks of leadership without the burden of role-modelling. Small wonder that most of us can look back to our early school days and call to mind specific adults who didn’t really take this lazy approach to guiding children. They stood out from their peers by virtue of their demonstrated respect, trust and resulting charisma. These were people whose actions did, indeed, often speak louder than their words.
Back in the year 1907, when the first Montessori learning environment was officially opened in Italy, some preliminary initiatives were being set in motion around the world to address the rights of children regarding their protection, their health and their education. Generally speaking, however, children were still spoken to as if their young age and lack of life experience rendered them second-class citizens. It must surely have been a point of curiosity for many to discover that Montessori’s curriculum actually encompassed many basic lessons in human social skills, not because good manners was not valued at the time but more likely because “grace and courtesy” (as Montessori named this portion of her curriculum) had rarely been thought of as something to be actually modelled by the adults in both the living and learning environments.
A child who becomes a master of his acts through repeated exercises of grace and courtesy, and who has been encouraged by the pleasant and interesting activities in which he has been engaged, is a child filled with health and joy.
- Maria Montessori
Having the self-awareness to express oneself in a polite and respectful manner contributes to our overall confidence and well-being. Knowing which words to use in social situations is empowering and enables us to navigate new situations with poise and self-assuredness.
People who have a knowledge of human dynamics approach the world with an advantage that can assist them in every stage of life; communicating strong, respectful words and behaviors towards others is a skill that noticed and imitated by the young child under six years of age, who is blessed with an absorbent mind, a keen appreciation of detail and the will to assimilate into society with energy and optimism. It’s on us to deliver conduct worth imitating!
If we, ourselves, are consciously modelling courtesy and confident, respectful interaction with others, this is the best lesson we can offer the children in our care. Good manners never go out of style.