Beethoven knew it when he sat to write the first bars of his fifth symphony. Sports teams acknowledge that it can affect the psychology of the game from the opening whistle. Most of us are aware of the power of a strong beginning.

From an educator’s standpoint we see first hand the benefits of a predictable morning routine, including a healthy breakfast, when it comes to children’s experience in the classroom on a daily basis. Even before they reach the classroom door, children have (whether consciously or unconsciously) adopted a particular mindset that will often last throughout the day. Each morning when I open the classroom door to greet children and their parents I become aware of many cues, subtle and not-so-subtle, that are exchanged between people and that can add to or subtract from a potential “ strong beginning”.

Here are three of the most common examples:

1. Parent is still carrying the child, who seems reluctant to cross the threshold.

2. Parent is communicating a need or wish on behalf of the child, with full knowledge of the child.

3. Parent is upset to discover that, unexpectedly, the child has entered the classroom without a formal goodbye, hug or kiss.

Now, let’s take a moment to examine how these situations could be made easier for everyone concerned:

1. It’s an easy one to improve upon, isn’t it, when you read back over it in print? Certainly, it’s difficult to choreograph our sequence of movements in the apparent chaos of life but it’s well worth the effort to enable or encourage your child to walk with you as you approach the school or classroom. One immediate benefit is that your child actually feels more confident when this can happen, and therefore more likely to embrace the task of entering in a more positive, independent manner. I have learned through conversations with parents over the years that many of them admit to not actually knowing why they opt to carry the children in the first place: some of them express anxiety over a self-imposed pressure to engage in this “handing-off” process in a way that is speedy and uncomplicated due to their own work schedule. However, as most parents who have attempted this will tell you, a hasty and poorly-planned goodbye can often create the very situation that was least hoped for…complete with emotional outbursts and added time needed for negotiation and a return to calm. I’m even including a bonus hint with this one; if, for any reason, you do find yourself standing at the classroom door with your child in your arms, simply place them standing next to you before you knock on the door.

It is so much easier to facilitate a positive transition this way!

2. If there is anything that can help to make your tentative child cross the threshold more easily, it’s always best to communicate that in a subtle way by means of a written note or a phone call in advance. Sometimes the school can provide what is requested (a particular teacher standing near the entryway, for example). Sometimes, it is simply not possible. By connecting with the school and discussing your requests in private, the child’s experience is not directly affected by a public (and often ill-timed discourse) and the most positive plan of action can be made ahead of time. It might seem appropriate to speak out in front of your preschooler in a desire to let them know that you are advocating on their behalf, but it can actually become a burden to a child to become the focal point of adult conversation like this. Generally speaking, educators want to work as a team with parents in providing useful solutions…..and this is best done in private.

3. This one has caused some parents to experience frustration, anxiety, confusion and even anger. Nevertheless, if your preschooler walks away from you with intent and enters the classroom…..please don’t call them back. Their decision to do this was not made to hurt you. It was made from a place of confidence and optimism. They trust that you will come back at the end of the day. Simply take a moment to acknowledge that another milestone has been reached in your family. It is a testimony to you that your child feels comfortable to expand on their life experience. Let them go. Such a situation is not a sad ending to their connection with you. Choose to look at it as being part of a strong beginning.